Gary is back with more thought-provoking questions......
Chances are, you haven’t been in an office for quite a while. And while some of you may love sitting around in your pants all day, Four In A Bed marathon on in the background, others may be pining for the sweet embrace of a cold, hard office block. So do we actually miss the office or not? Let’s find out:
Here’s a question: would you like an extra hour in bed in the morning? Yes, is the answer. Here’s another: would you like an extra hour in bed in the morning or would you like to stuff the front of your head into the yellow, soaking armpit of an unclean brute on a sweltering train for an hour? Yes, the bed one, it’s the bed one, is the answer.
Meal deals are bad at being lunch. A tuna sandwich and some mini cheddars five times a week is not fine dining. It is not ‘fine’ in any sense of the word. And if you happen to work anywhere in close proximity to some cool, hip food joints, well, enjoy spending enough to buy a small boat every week on falafel.
You can eat sweets all day when you work from home and nobody can say anything about it. You can even eat them without using your hands – just extend your tongue until they stick to it, then suck them back in like a chameleon. No judgement.
Real life meetings are bad because everyone is there, looking at you. All those eyes, those beady little eyes, all staring at you, waiting for you to slip up. Uh oh! You slipped up! You’ve done that thing where you’ve slid each button on your shirt into the hole one level down. Everything you say in this meeting has been overshadowed by your lopsided shirt. What a shame.
You actually have to go to that sewing class with your team. You can’t get out of it. Three hours of team-building, through the medium of wool and needles. What better way to bring your team closer together than making them all knit a scarf? All you want to knit is an Uber home.
Toilets in offices are bad. You walked in and locked the door before realising the state of things. Now you’ve got to clean up someone else’s nonsense otherwise everyone will think it was you when they catch you leaving. What a fantastic interlude to your day.
DO NOT STEP ON THE SWEATY SOLE PRINTS HE LEAVES OR YOU MIGHT IMMEDIATELY DIE.